Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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