Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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