My balls are so social today.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
