I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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