ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
