I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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