DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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