An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
