He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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