I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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