I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
