Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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