and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
