I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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