The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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