Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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