do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
