my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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