chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
