I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
