her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
