We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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