he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
