Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
