Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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