My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
