i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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