i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
