Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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