In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
