Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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