i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
