I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
