i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
