At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
