clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
