i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
