Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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