We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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