I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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