So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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