Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
