All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
