Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
