my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
