some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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