After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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