Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
