Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't deserve a penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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