But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
