I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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