Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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