Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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