She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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