Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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