I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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