We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
