He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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