Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
