apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
