People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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