i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
