We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
