You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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