So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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