Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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